OMM - Weightloss & motivation

It has been a mission of mine for a little over 4 years to lose weight and reach a personal goal. I know that I should appreciate my body and current level of health and I do, sometimes. It's just that most of the time my mind is still seeking this ideal body that I know that I want and that I feel like I 'need' in order to be sane with myself. There is then the question of, 'How will I know I will feel this sense of happiness at the end of it all?' . Well, I've never felt so confident in something and it is so constant in my mind that I strongly believe that this is what is holding me back. 

The longest length of time that I have been able to maintain a healthy lifestyle would be just under 2 weeks. I did feel accomplished but obviously I would love to stay focused and motivated. People say if you want something so much, let nothing should stand in your way. Food is my weakness, sweets, takeouts etc, my mind is conscious of my actions which is where the post regret settles in. My motivation usually lasts for a night or if I'm lucky, a few days. I have tried alot of things to assist in sustaining these mini bursts of motivation but I always give in to junk food. I guess that is generally a big struggle in the overall weight loss sector of the world anyway. 

I am aware for some that this may seem quite wrong and obsessive but this is on my mind so often that obviously I have had A LOT to think about, covering and questioning countless things in my head.  I feel that attaining this body will leave me feeling whole and complete. This isn't for anybody else, this is for me. It does not matter to me how people will perceive me after this journey in comparison to my current status. This is for myself, this is for my mind, this is for me. 

If one day I am able to reach this goal, I know for certain that my life in terms of mindset and personal goals will be totally accomplished. This is kind of a personal topic for me so i'll end it here for now, it was just OMM (on my mind) so thought I would let out a little bit. 

Lea GJ